Missing

Life Goals

The time is really winding down now. I have three full days left, and I may be able to squeeze in some stuff on my last day, because my landlord will be coming at seven thirty in the evening to collect my keys and return my deposit on Monday before I fly out at thirty minutes to midnight. I have plans to meet up with people all three days before I skip town too. I have been lucky to have met some really cool people while I have been here in Thailand, some expats, some locals.

I have really been trying to get it in this week. I walked around Chatuchak and had boat noodles with a pal. I have tried to hit all of my favorite food vendors. Luckily, the weather hasn’t followed the forecast and I have been able to spend my daily hour at the pool. It has even been sunny. Strangely, during the height of the day, I haven’t had my aircon on and I have been able to have my window and patio door open. As it has been for my entire time here, I have been feasting on fruit knowing that I won’t be having any for quite some time when I get back to Boston.

I have talked to a number of people both here and away over the past week that have asked me why I don’t just stay. To be honest, I think about it, but the truth and economics remain. If I don’t leave now, I won’t have the money to leave later. I wouldn’t even have the ability to make visa runs once the July 31 visa amnesty runs out. The rumor is that Thailand won’t reopen its borders to foreign travelers until 2021. So right now, you’re either in or you’re out.

My pool buddy has a 1 year old child. She is from Vienna, Austria and has to return there to get vaccinations for the baby. So, she’ll be leaving in August, and doesn’t know if she will be able to be back. She will have to cancel the lease on her condo, lay off her nanny, and go home for an indefinite amount of time, even though she wants to be here. I feel for her, because I feel the same way.

Thinking about leaving, I think about all of the things I will miss when I am back in Boston.

First and foremost, as small as it seems, is the fruit. For the price of a single container of cut watermelon in the supermarkets of America, I could probably have three or four times as much fruit here in Thailand. The options here are endless. Mango, watermelon, lychee, longan, rambutan, mangosteen, jackfruit, pomelo, and rose apples…. All of them have a deep place in my heart, and an all but vacancy in America. It seems to be the tail end of the rose apple season here in Bangkok, and I have had a hard time finding them in their whole form, but luckily my cut fruit vendor has had them for the past three days. Longans have also disappeared, but I had my fill of those early in my time here. The watermelon here is also a little different than the watermelon you find in America. The rind is so much smaller and the pulp is so much sweeter. The pomelo can be found already peeled for easy eating. It is all so much cheaper and more convenient.

There are a number of street food dishes I will miss as well. This trip I dove head first into the braised pork leg over rice dish. There hasn’t been a week that has gone by that I haven’t had it at least once, but more likely twice. There’s something beautifully savory and soft about the meat. When you pour the soup over the dish and it soaks into the rice, it becomes one of my favorite things. It’s garnished with pickled mustard greens and cilantro giving it a spike of acid and freshness that cuts through the richness of the rest of the dish. It is a dish that I could eat every day if left to my own devices. When I get home, it will definitely be a dish that I will be recreating, not only for myself, but for friends, family, and hopefully guests.

I have also always liked Thai chicken and rice (khao man gai). During my time here, I really discovered what separates the good or okay khao man gai from the truly great khao man gai. Today, I went to Phrom Phong to walk around. Since the lockdown I haven’t walked around there much. The last time I was there, my favorite khao man gai place was closed. Today, I lucked out. It was open! I was excited to sit on the street and order their large portion. The sauce for the chicken is masterfully crafted out of fermented soy beans, soy sauce, ginger, garlic, and chilis. The soup they serve on the side isn’t just broth either. It has chunks of meat sticking to the bones, herbs, and hunks of Chinese fuzzy squash. I am definitely going to miss that place.

Now that he has returned after about a month of being gone, I will miss my Thai sausage guy. He’s a salty fucker, but he definitely has my favorite Thai sausage. I have always loved the Thai sausage on the streets. They’re usually sold with two inch and a half sized chubby links on a skewer. My guy sells them by the bag of 10 or 12 balls that are around three quarters of an inch in diameter. They’re delightfully crispy on the outside, but juicy and delicious on the inside. I have been known to buy a bag or two even if I already have my dinner for the evening.

There’s just so much I’ll miss…. The BTS public transit system, my pool, my long walks down Sukhumvit road, the people watching, street vendors, cheap bubble tea…

All of that being said, there are things that I am looking forward to getting back to. Of the food items, I think vegetables will be top on my list. To be honest, it’s difficult to come by a variety of good vegetable based dishes here on the street. A lot of the vegetables are in curries. Of course, you can find the ubiquitous stir fried morning glory or Chinese broccoli, but if you want something clean or simple, you’ll have to cook it yourself. That being said, there are beautiful raw greens out on the street. My problem is that I have been without a pan for my entire time here. A good salad is also hard to come by here, something fresh and crunchy with a light vinaigrette, or even a solid Caesar.

Aside from vegetables and salad, I definitely miss good pizza and a righteous meatball sub. They try to make the trashy American food here, but it just doesn’t do the trick. I’m pretty sure that I’ll be hitting up Aram’s or Pinocchio’s not too long after I get back.

I am missing my bed a little bit, and the space that I have in my apartment. My bed here is fine. My bed back in Boston is better.

I think what makes it all so hard right now is that I’m not running towards anything. I will be going back to Boston without a sure thing job. Everyone is still hiding out from COVID, so I won’t be able to see my friends like I want to. It could be very lonely when I get back.

I’m running really low on everything in my condo here. I have one more kitchen garbage bag, enough laundry detergent for one or two more loads of laundry, a few bottles of sparkling water, a tiny bit more shampoo, body wash, and face wash, and a razor worth one or two more shaves. I’m going to try to eke it out.

For the next few days, I’m going to try to hit up some places and eat some things that I know I won’t be able to get for a while. Prawns in Chinatown is on the list, as is some food from Chef Van at DAG. I’m going to try to carry on some Taiwanese fried chicken for my flight home, as well as a Tupperware container of cut fruit from my favorite vendor.

I haven’t even left yet, but I already miss this place. I miss the possibilities I saw when I landed here in February. I miss the rapport I established with my street vendors. I miss the pace of the streets and the go-get-it attitude I see in the streets. And I already miss that cat that hangs out by the spirit house outside of my building.