I Haven't Changed Clothes in 30 Hours.

That’s right. I said it. I meant it. I have been wearing the same clothes for 30 hours. I’m so disappointed in myself.

I walked in the door of my apartment just under 4 days ago, exhausted after 26 hours of travel. This has to be the strangest travel experience that I have ever had. My flight took off from Bangkok at 23:30, so after closing things up with my landlord (she said she had never gotten a unit back as clean as I had left it), I was in a taxi at 20:00.

I really wasn’t sure what to expect, as far as traffic goes. The curfew officially ended that morning, so I didn’t know if people were going to go nuts driving around late at night, getting in my way and causing traffic. Luckily, that wasn’t the case, and the trip to the airport took less time than expected.

Three hours before my flight, when I arrived at ticketing, ready to check my bags, I saw the strangest thing.

There were three full switchbacks of luggage in the queue, but barely anyone with the bags. It was so bizarre. There were a few people sitting near ticketing, but not nearly enough to cover all of the bags that were just sitting there. What ever happened to not leaving your luggage unattended? After I had checked my bags, as I walked around the airport, I also saw a daypack in the middle of the floor, completely unattended. It was super sketchy. I quickly walked past the bag as four Thai police officers approached the bag, asking if it belonged to anyone. No one answered. I wonder who it belonged to. Clearly, it wasn’t a bomb, or I would have never taken off.

When I was checking my bags, I was advised to get to the gate early as the flight was pretty full. In my mind, I scoffed at the idea. Who the hell would be traveling at a time like this besides an insane head case like myself? The answer is, a lot of people. After walking through the dark halls of the Suvarnabhumi Airport lined with empty and closed shops, there were a surprising number of people waiting at the gate. They were mostly groups of Koreans, mostly teenagers, and older westerners, mostly Canadian.

As the gate area filled up, I started to get nervous. When I picked my seat, I was in a row by myself. It looked like there was a lot of space on the plane. Crossed fingers and closed eyes, I hoped that it would stay that way. The worst possible scenario would be that I would get sat with a tweenaged Asian kid who was part of a group and an affinity to have their finger two knuckles deep in their nose. My stomach found its way to my throat thinking about the possibility.

As I made my way to my seat, I realized that I was not alone in my row. My heart sank. Because all of the travel websites suggested choosing a window seat to minimize exposure to other people who may or may not have COVID, I was pinned up against the bulkhead by a portly Korean couple.

The plane was probably three quarters of the way full, and I definitely wasn’t the only person in a full row. I really wasn’t expecting that many people on the flight. It put me on edge, for sure.

We all had to wear face masks for the entirety of the flight, aside from when we were eating. I knew that this was the new policy, and as much as I dislike having to wear face masks, I do it for the people. It also means that if I had sat next to the afore mentioned tweenaged Asian kid, he could only have that finger up his nostril for so much time.

Most of the flight was spent smashing myself up against the window and bulkhead, trying to create as much social distance as possible. I think the couple thought I was a little special as I used three alcohol wipes to scrub down every possible surface that I might touch like Jacques, the shrimp in Finding Nemo, cleans the fish tank.

I am remarkably good at sleeping on flights. As soon as the jet starts taxiing down the runway, my eyelids seem to get so heavy. That was the case on this flight. It was a six hour flight, and I was awake for, maybe two and a half hours of it.

Seoul’s airport was just like Bangkok’s airport, only with some morning light. Most of the stores and restaurants were closed. Maybe there was one open for every ten that were closed. I don’t even think I saw a place that had coffee. There may have been one noodle shop. My only real option was to go to my next gate and wait. It was only a three hour layover, which was nice. I feel like two hours is pretty much the ideal layover time. It’s enough time to get from gate to gate, take a piss, and get a coffee or snack should you choose.

When I sat down at the gate, I was greeted by this:

Note the furrowed brow. Grrrr…. he growled at me. I liken this to Wicket the Ewok jabbing Princess Leia with a spear. Sure, he wanted to show that he could protect himself and his owner, but, god damn, if he wasn’t the most adorable thing in the world. This little guy was my entertainment for about an hour as I waited for my flight back into the States, whether he was giving me the stink eye, growling at me, or sleeping with his puppy head on the table.

The flight from Seoul to Detroit, the longest leg of the journey, was significantly less crowded. Originally I was sat in the middle section of the plane with another guy separated by a seat, but shortly after take off, he moved to another seat where he had his own row. There were a lot of empty rows on that flight. There were a lot of military guys on the plane too, who must have been shipped back from a US Army base. They seemed like nice enough guys, but I wondered by they were being moved.

Aside from the normal sleeping on this flight, I had a mission to accomplish. Before leaving my condo in Bangkok, I cut and packed two kilos of fruit in Tupperware. Over half of it was rose apple, a fruit that you simply can’t find here in Boston. It is one of my top five favorite fruits of all time. It is crisp and sweet. The skin is a little bit bitter and tannic. It has a satisfyingly light crunch to it, much like a great asian pear. Also in my stash of fruit, I had some mango, slightly under ripe, the way that I like it, and some adorable pineapple.

I have to say that between my Bangkok to Seoul flight, and my Seoul to Detroit flight, I crushed it. I decided to not eat any of the airplane food and instead feast on fruit and fried chicken that I had brought from Bangkok. It was the best decision that I have ever made. I ate every last piece of fruit that I brought with me.

The reason that I needed to eat all of this fruit before I got to Detroit was that I had to go through customs there. Now, like any good Asian person, I have smuggled produce through international borders before. I mean, if I could get it in America for a reasonable price, it wouldn’t be a problem, but I’ll be damned if I can’t make the fruit last as long as possible. This time was different. We’re living in a COVID saturated world where people are very aware of contagions. I didn’t want to fuck with customs this time. I wasn’t into casually, but quickly walking in the opposite direction from a K9, as I did last year. This year, I’m playing it straight. There’s just too much shit going on in America.

When I did get to Detroit, going through customs was a breeze. I don’t think that I ever went through customs that quickly. When you have Global Entry, as I do, it’s usually pretty quick, but this was ridiculous. I waited three minutes for the baggage to hit the carousel, another two minutes to fill out the Global Entry Customs questionnaire, one minute in line, less than one minute answering questions, and two minutes to recheck my bags. I was done with US Customs in under 10 minutes. I could not believe it.

A few weeks ago, when Korean Air finally set my itinerary, this layover was perhaps the one that I was most nervous about. Originally, the layover was only an hour, which, in my eyes, cuts it really close, especially when you take into account having to go through customs and having to recheck your bags. Had the layover been an hour I would have been shitting bricks, and knocking people over on my way off the plane. Just before I left Bangkok, the flight changed, giving me an hour and a half to get from plane to plane. And to make it even better, my flight from Seoul arrived a half hour early, giving me a full two hours of layover. Perfect!

Detroit’s airport had maybe half of their shops open. It was just my luck that Popeye’s Fried Chicken was one of the places that was still closed.

Detroit to Boston was just as empty as Seoul to Detroit. I had my own row and slept the entire flight. Much like my time in Detroit, claiming my baggage took no time. The flight landed early too, so I was ready to go way earlier than I told my pal I would be.It was actually really surprising. My flight was supposed to land at 14:30. It landed at 14:00. I was out at the curb by 14:20.

I have to say that I have no clue what time I walked in the door. I was hungry, thirsty, and tired. I needed a shower and a change of clothes. That was actually my first order of business, the shower and change of clothes. The second thing that I did was order from Aram’s No 2 House of Pizza. I had been dreaming of a meatball sub and a legit Greek salad for at least a month. While I waited I unpacked my carry on stuff and my smaller checked bag, but I was already starting to fade.

Jet lag has never really been that big of an issue for me over the years. Maybe I get a small bout of it here and there, but it’s nothing that I can’t push through. After this trip, jet lag has been a beast. My first night, I tried to stay up until 20:00, but only made it to 19:45. The next night I was out at 18:00. Finally last night, I went to sleep at an hour that is normal for most rational adults, 22:00. Waking up early has been a thing too. I have been waking up at around 04:00 or 05:00, though I have been staying in bed until at least 08:00.

That first day, I also put in an order for groceries to be delivered. I, like a noob, thought that I should be able to get it later on that night or in the morning. That was not the case. I had to wait until 17:00 the following day, so essentially, I had to live on three cans of seltzer, frozen steak, dried pasta, and crappy junk food snacks for almost two days. I couldn’t make coffee, because I didn’t have cream or sweetened condensed milk. I didn’t even have enough rice to make a single cup. It was almost comical.

It took me two days to unpack the last bag and do all of my laundry. As I have been under 14 day self quarantine after traveling, I really have no idea what I have been doing all of this time. I have played some video games, watched a whole lot of TV, I have cooked a little, but really that has been a function of making sure I eat something. I would say that I put away ninety percent of what came out of my travel bags away. I find it hard to find the motivation to put the rest away, because most of it is comprised of electronics cords and cloth face masks.

This morning when I woke up, I decided that I didn’t just want to flop down onto my couch all day long. I didn’t want the TV on all day long. I decided that I needed to do something, if I can’t be outside taking a walk, seeing friends or, really, anything active. So this has been my activity. Three hours of writing, with making a salad thrown somewhere in there. I’m on my third pint of Vietnamese coffee, and it’s telling me that I need to at least stand up and walk around the room for a minute.

I think I’m gonna go flip a coin to see if I should shower and change clothes.